i can’t take any of this shit anymore. life is so fucking stressful.
i hate this. i hate the feeling of not even wanting to walk into my own house. why? because i know, once i take that one step in, the talk of ‘money’, ‘future’ and all abt her freakin’ love life will come clashing down.
i hate the fact that i’m not even happy to go home and just be in peace, because i know i won’t.
i also hate my own family.
i hate how they talk bad abt one another. they don’t talk like how normal families do. no, they don’t. what son hates his own mother and wishes her a sad and lonely life? it’s retarded in my opinion. and i thought i was the childish one.
i wish i can stand up to be and recite the Ten Commandments from God who gave it to Moses. i want to preach to him the teachings of God and whatnot. i know, i sound ‘religious’ and such but it’s the truth. we’re from and born into a christian family, so why can’t we practice the christian ways?
no matter what she has done to you, she is still your mother. no matter what you fucking do, she will and forever will be your mother.
and you, another one. she was your WIFE. how stubborn can you get? do you enjoy watching her suffer in misery? do you take pleasure in seeing her breakdown? are you even human?
you two are really father and son.
and also hypocrites.
you go to church, you read the Bible, you were baptised. and yet, why the hell are you two the most evil people i’ve met? and we’re related.
i hate it how the two of you are so stubborn in making her life so miserable that you don’t see how much it has affected me. i am your sister and your daughter. but you two are so blinded by hatred that you overlooked the actions you have caused upon her and myself.
but other than that, the three of you only care abt no one but yourselves. you see, i am your daughter and also technically your youngest sister who is in the midst of finding herself, her identity, learning and growing, breaking out into the real world. but she can’t. know why? no, i don’t think you do. it’s because you three are so resolved around the ‘now’ and ‘yourself’ that you lost focus on the ‘tomorrow’ and ‘me’.
yes, it is abt me, most of the time. of course it is. i am your daughter, i am still growing. the three of you are old now, you have practically out-lived your life.
so get the three of your brains out of the gutter and see what’s more important than yourselves.
because i don’t see any reason to live my life anymore. i don’t see any reason to call you my family.
i also don’t see why i should care abt any of you guys since you all obviously, do not love me.
-pats head-
